just one slice

today was a magical day, it was a day of horse racing and debauchery. lucky for me, my plot was super sratty and had PIE as part of the ‘dessert’ section of our fancy chicken tender meal. it was fantastic. This experience led me to realize that even in a sunburnt and mildly delirious state, pie is still my PIEority. (so punny)

mmm thanksgiving pies at their finest. pumpkin? pecan? sweet potato? the possibilities are endless. i am so stoked.

I’ll never understand the couples who call each other “cutie pie”, “sugar booger” or anything else remotely disgusting.  Who really wants to think of their significant other as a sweet tasting object that comes from your nose? I mean honestly people, you can do better than that.

Receptionist: Free condom? They’re boysenberry.
Juno MacGuff: No, thanks. I’m off sex right now.
Receptionist: My boyfriend wears them every time we have intercourse, it makes his junk smell like pie.

I just thought I’d share a personal story about pie for your amusement.  My first year of college, I was in charge of an event called “Pie In the Face”.  The name is pretty self-explanatory, so I won’t go into detail about it.  I thought I’d covered all the bases when planning the event but when it came time to actually pie the brave volunteers in the face, a tiny problem presented itself.  The pie tins were made of aluminum and ended up cutting those brave volunteers on their faces (one lucky girl got it across her eye like Scar from Lion King) which made for slightly bloody, disgruntled pie victims.  Learn from my mistake and make sure to practice safe pie-ing, people. Visit itsyourpielife.org. Nah, I’m just kidding about that last part…